yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
