he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The air was thick with penises
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
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