Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
