apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
