do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
