I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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