What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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