Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
