Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Randomize
