I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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