I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
