the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
