Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
