so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize