i need an iv and a liver transplant
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
