He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
