i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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