There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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