In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
