Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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