Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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