can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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