i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
3 2 1 whiskey
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
