the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
As shirtless as possible
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
