My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize