I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
