I think I died a long time ago.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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