i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
