He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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