Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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