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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
