Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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