SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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