found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
