I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Every concussion has its silver lining
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
