is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
