Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
