I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize