so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
