Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
