Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
