The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
