So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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