dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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