just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
