Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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