Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
