You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize