I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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