I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
