its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
