btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
