We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just invented taco cereal.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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