Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
