is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
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