when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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