yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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