I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I need to align my fucking chakras
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
