birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
