Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Randomize
