turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
