STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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