Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I am spending my child support on dildos
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
