apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
