I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
