If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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