And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
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