This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
