I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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