i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
