So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
