Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
