Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Randomize
