pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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