so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
