Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
