If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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