you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
