"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
