thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize