it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
