I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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