i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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