hell yes lets make some ravioli
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
