i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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