Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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