the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize