Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
