On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
foreskin is a definite game changer
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
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