Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
