last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
