We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just pee around me
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
