EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
