Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
