someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Hippo gnu deer
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
