Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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