yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
