Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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