Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
